How many Bon mots will you share today?

I’m at my all time low, spiritually. I guess its because I’ve got no more daily devotions and chapel, every week. So, i guess that’s why I’m in this state of spiritual dryness. I don’t know what to do. Read the bible? Revive Quiet time? I don’t think that’s going to work. What i need to do? Is cry. I don’t know. I just feel like, ever since God placed me in CJC, i didn’t like his plan at all. Actually, i hated CJC. But that was until i found friends in my class. I mean, I’ve learnt to accept where i am now. Cause i can’t change it, no matter how much i hate it. But there is this “hate” that is still in me. I get so angry at him. When things don’t go my way, i get upset and angry at him. Then, i come to think. Is Christianity just like any other religion? Like Hinduism, Muslim-ism, Buddhism and etc. And then i expect evidence that Christianity is real, that this almighty God is real. But then with evidence, there will be no such thing as faith. And as much as i want to have faith in this God, i just haven’t experienced contact with him. I envy those people that are just so in love and on fire with God, I want to experience that too. But there’s this barrier, this thing blocking me from reaching out to him. Today, i didn’t go for lessons. I felt like i wasn’t learning anything from lessons, that’s why i skipped it. Its just so boring, so not apt to what youths are experiencing in their lives, its just so mature and just something i don’t bloody understand, how do you expect me to learn something? Its like, i could just “read my bible and it would be more enlightening” (i quote from amanda koh). I want to know that God is there with me wherever i am, but right now, again, i don’t feel anything. I’m just slowly drifting away, and i couldn’t care less anymore, until somewhere someone someday i’ll reach for him and i’ll pull myself back.